Big Grant Deadline Today!

Today is the deadline for applications to the Finnish Academy, so scientists all over the country are busy writing abstracts and trying to find an amusing acronym for their project. The bad news for them is that they are up against fierce competition.




Yes, the beast will soon send off the description of his project on Integrated Pest Management For The Removal of the Coarse-haired Wombat (Vombatus ursinus) from Finland.

35% is a reasonable proportion of the grant for me to charge as an overhead, don't you think? Read more!

Goodwill To All Man and Beast

It's Christmas, so even beasts get to enjoy some peace...



Alas, the bottom of the sofa does not. Words will be had later. Read more!

The Beast is Happy

The beast is evil. How can you not like him when he's this happy?


But why is he so happy...

Because he has a new prime minister. I told him the guy's name is Rudd, and he thought it was great having a fish as PM - if he's a failure, some lucky moggie can eat him.

I guess this explains why he was never impressed with Bush in the US - he has a self-cleaning litter tray already.
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Chasing The Beast back to its lair

After the Wombat's success, we chased the beast back to its lair (every beast has to have a lair). This is all we could see:

Neither of us were brave enough to go any further.
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The Wombat Strike Back

For those of you worrying about the wombat and the beast, there is good news. The wombat has been learning a few moves.


The beast was beaten off (at least temporarily).
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An epic struggle

The reinforcements have started their action.

At first, the beast didn't know what was coming



"What are you cheering for? Is something going on?"


"OK, that's another round of shredded sofa later."


"*sigh*. I suppose I'll have to wait for the two of you to finish before starting on the carpet."


Read more!

Reinforcements

I have finally got some help to defend my computer from The Beast:


I don't know if a wombat is the best animal to help, but we're off to a good start. Incidentally, I think it might be a Fijian wombat.
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Training the Beast

It's a generally held view that cats are independent, and hence can't be trained beyond the litter tray. Well, this is false even for older cats.

I knew I had to take Jack's training slowly, so I started with the order "Eat!". He learned that one surprisingly quickly. We've now progressed onto "Squeak!", and he's doing very well at that now.

It's all matter of timing.
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More on the Beast

The beast is still around. Sometimes I can ward him off with a fluffy purple thing on a stick, but he returns, with evil intent etched across his face:



Even when he's supposedly resting, I know he's still plotting to keep me away from the blog:


I wonder - which one of you is paying him to do this?
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Harry Potter and the Change of Trousers

It's been warm this week, so I've been wearing shorts. Today, however, I'm back in long trousers, even though it's no cooler. Why?

Well, because of this:

Yes, I have the new Harry Potter, and I'm not afraid to read it.

But what I am afraid of is the beast. For his claws are sharp, and if I'm going to be laying on the sofa all day, he's going to want to sit on me. With shorts, I have no protection from when he catches things in his dreams. Hence the long trousers.

I sense a long (607 page) day ahead, with brief breaks for food, toilet and turning on Test Match Special. No doubt Kevin Pietersen will be praying for rain, so he can sit in the corner all day reading. Read more!